Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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