toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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