One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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