Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
