he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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