I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
