OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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