omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
