so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
