Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
