sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
