Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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