my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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