Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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