My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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