It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
