The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you win again, gameday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
