You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
