i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
