Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
