How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
