My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
