the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i dont even know how to be here
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
