i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
