Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
