There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
