we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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