I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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