wanna go halves on a baby?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
