She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
