i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
barbara walters just said penis...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
