its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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