he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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