if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
