Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
