I got chris browned last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
