Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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