a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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