loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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