Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, beer. Big fan.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
