what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
