I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
