I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
