Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
