So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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