Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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