I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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