Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
