me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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