why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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