Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
