im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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