i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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