i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
