found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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